What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 24.06.2025 08:52
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Why are FtM trans just another type of woman?
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
It was going to be , some day.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
The 6 Best Cereals to Help Lower Cholesterol, According to Dietitians - EatingWell
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Put me off passion for life!!
She loved him until the end.
The FCC is cracking down on EchoStar’s deployment of 5G. - The Verge
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I think the readers, may guess!
Ominous 'Chamaeleon' is hiding a stellar secret: Space photo of the week - Live Science
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Was to survive, this bastard.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Where are the gay people in India?
Especially a lifetime of it.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Milky Way has 50-50 chance of colliding with neighbor galaxy - NewsNation
I never cut or harmed myself..
All the time i was locked up.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Is there a way to use men’s hair gel that doesn’t make your hair dry and crunchy?
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Im still living with it.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Nothing Phone (3) camera, battery and charging specs spill in new leak - Notebookcheck
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
So whats the point in blame.
She wouldn,t have been !
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
(And it was in our own minds.)
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I write beautiful poetry .
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
So, i spoilt her more .
I was 9 years of age.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I don,t even have a pension.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Im dying but, im not bitter.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Would this be the day?
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I was very sick at this time too.
I could never make a relationship work though!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
He resisted the act ,that day.
One cannot live in the past .
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
As i do to all so called friends.?
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I have no regrets .
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I was scared of men, in general
But ive been too sick for many years..
My life is so biszare .
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Comes on , in middle age.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
What did i know ?
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
She found it foreign!.
I waited trembling.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I said to her
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
When she asked me how she looked .
Ive learnt so much.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
She was in good health!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I couldn’t, believe it.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
He knew the spot.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Why did i forgive my father ?
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
This is soul school!.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
And i lived it daily.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
We were not on the streets..
This is how, and why children get BPD.
We all went to grammer schools
She married twice! .
I will be 64.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I was seconnd youngest,
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Who then, do I blame.?
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
But, we were locked up after school.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I know ,a lot about trauma.
My family never makes their pension either.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
But it wasn’t much.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..